They always say that people end up not changing. Can this be true? Things I said when I was a teen, were they just something I said and thought at the time, or did I actually truly mean them, then and now. Sometimes I am not sure. I feel as if I have experienced personal and inner changes, yet. When things go wrong or I feel upset about an aspect of my life, I tend to turn back to them all. Does this mean that I want them? Or, is it just a temporary feel? I feel it is more temporary, yet they keep coming back. I never really saw myself as a settler. I wanted to be free, living on my own, in a tiny apartment in New York, above a building. Yet, here I am, gearing my life towards a husband in the suburbs. Does this mean that I truly don't want him? If I don't, do I let him go?

One year down, I am strong

A year in writing. I wonder if I could do it.

I have a problem.

I want a creative outlet,
something I know how to do.
I can't paint a picture, cause I cannot even make the sky the right blue.
Maybe I could take up music, maybe if I could actually sing.
How about video games, Destruction I shall bring!!
No, that is too lame and mainstream.
People don't seem to understand my humor, for sometimes it is crude.
I guess I am just a pervert then, for I do not mean to be rude.
Maybe, no. Nevermind.
Has everyone else found their talent? I feel so far behind.

It's nice that you're awake with me

I guess that is all I can think of to say, even though my brain feels like it's swimming full of a million thoughts at once, it feel empty.
Tiredness?

Eh.

#sorrynotsorry

I have my up and down days, but I have been in the low ones. I lived there for awhile, and almost did not make it out. So, is it wrong to feel happy when others around are suffering?
I just wanna be happy, and now I am actually. A lot more. Sure, some days are bad, but that is life. Yet, that is not my life anymore.

Equilibrium

I want that with my emotions.

Blank.

I'm doing it again, and it is not a good thing. But, the weird dreams are reoccurring, and I wish I knew what they meant.
I keep telling myself there are worse things I could do, and there are, but I need to stop this all. I still have time make it, and I keep telling myself I should, but I just don't want to. I just want to sit here, looking at this screen, typing this blog. I feel like I have a bad case of senioritis, and I am a freshman. Pathetic.
I just need like fifty vials of motivation.